With a knowledge of systemic dynamics and the ‘laws’ that heal when respected (Orders of Love), an awareness of how the ‘personal’, ‘collective’ and ‘spiritual’ consciences operate, and an awareness of possible therapist’s projections on clients and how to avoid them or solve them, the facilitator allows herself become an instrument for the Movement of the Spirit to unfold (the actual constellator). She may ask the client to say words that bring hidden dynamics into the open: acknowledging what is helps restore the flow of love. She may ask the client to repeat words that, like casting spells, bring about healing; or words that, while attuned with something greater, come from somewhere else, and are specific to the specific client and her issue.
Bert Hellinger observes that there are two basic movements, one toward more Life (success, health, fullness, happiness, love), and one toward less, toward death (prolonged bereavement, being caught in the past, entanglements with ancestors, illness: exclusion, pain and suffering that do not relate to the here and now).
“The movement towards death is the most comfortable. He who is attracted by death, feels like God, an owner of life and death, but an owner who has given nothing in exchange” (Hellinger, Barcelona, September 2009).
The movement of the Spirit, and the facilitator that allows it work through her, lead clients to Life.
The facilitator is not the constellator, but an instrument of another force at work. Bert Hellinger even speaks of the facilitator as a membrane, that vibrates with the movement of the Spirit, rather than a channel. In resonance with the Spirit, the facilitator avoids interfering with her personal will or her own personal ideas of right and wrong. The outcome is not decided by the facilitator, but by the healing movement of the Spirit, a knowing field, with its own will (Hellinger refers to it as the ‘Spirit Mind‘). This is a greater force that encompasses all, and that thinks and wants everything as it is and everyone as they are, and loves everyone with the same measure: victim and perpetrator, taking care of all. Bert Hellinger observes that this work requires no fear from the facilitator, no fear to channel a solution, or deliver information, that may defy mainstream ideas of how things should be. Sometimes, there may not be permission for a constellation, or to work toward a solution. At this time, the courage of the constellations facilitator is called for also, to stop the work as wished by the Field, whether liked or not by us, regardless of whether we understand or not.
Bert and Sophie state that a constellations facilitator shall act: without intention, without fear, without pity, without love. Without love? Yes, a facilitator who ‘loves’ her clients, will be prone to a harmful ‘therapeutic’ relationship, wanting to ‘save’ them (from whom? From the very movement of the spirit). The facilitator acts with benevolence, a benevolence for all that is and all that are, in the same measure, a benevolence that comes from somewhere else.
In Acknowledging What Is, Gabriele ten Hövel asks Bert Hellinger: “There is something that you can’t fathom, that you call the deepest forces?” He replies:
Those are metaphors. I also call it the ‘great soul’ or ‘something mysterious’. But it’s not something I try to fathom … In the same way I can acknowledge and respect another person’s way of being, I can also acknowledge the mystery without needing to unveil it. Precisely because I hold this distance, I can connect to it. (Hellinger 2009, p. 42*).
The facilitator, as a human being, is not perfect. The facilitator is working too through his/her own personal issues, in his/her own path of growth and personal healing. By not interfering with the greater forces at work, the facilitator’s imperfections are kept in check. When the workshop is over, we go back to our imperfect self.
“Without our imperfections we become inhumane. With our imperfections, we become amiable for others. I integrate, I carry those imperfections with me; besides, I follow them. I let myself be carried by them. Behind them, I feel secure. Above all, I have the assurance that I am going to be loved”
Bert Hellinger, May 20134
Facilitators have a responsibility nonetheless: the continued work to integrate in our own life the orders of love, for as Hellinger states, only a facilitator who has achieved this will be able to truly succeed in achieving a constellation. A facilitator that has not integrated something of the orders of love in her own life may not be able to channel a solution for a certain issue.
To be in the love of the spirit, is to be like a dog: loving everyone regardless of who they are, regardless of what they do, even before we know them, unconditionally, without judgment. Humble, and fully in the present. This is the love that heals.
Family constellations put a healing movement in motion that unblocks stuck energies in the family system, allowing them (Love, Life) to flow down to us. To be a vehicle for this healing movement, we need to remain humble, assume our responsibilities, living in the present, refusing to partake in exclusion (for, as Hellinger states: do we know better than the greater Spirit that wants and loves everything as it is, and everyone just as they are?), loving without judgment: reconciling both, victims and perpetrators, in our heart.
In you I find myself