The Orders of Love are certain orders that operate in systems and human relationships, and that, when respected, allow for the flow of Love (like the course of a river, for instance, channels water forwards and downwards). These orders, identified by Bert Hellinger in the course of his practice, reveal themselves in experience through the phenomenological work of constellations and through their effects in our everyday lives. Some of these orders are:
Everyone has the same right to belong, no matter what
When someone was/is excluded (murdered, aborted, rejected, hated or forgotten) from the family system (whether a dead ancestor or living person; whether a blood relative, or someone external to the family that made room for someone else -such as a former partner, or a perpetrator to a family relative, or a victim to a family relative), someone else from a later generation is unconsciously compelled to occupy his/her place. Someone from a later generation will attempt to include the excluded by unconsciously reliving his life and misfortunes, following the excluded into death, perhaps carrying his anger, his desire to kill, or replicating a tragic death, becoming a victim perhaps for love of a victim that was, or attoning for someone who did not assume the responsibility of his/her actions. The powerful attraction that these excluded exert on us, is Love. The greatest misdeeds, like the smallest, are done out of love, blind love. This is a kind of love that takes us out of our place, as we rise above our ancestors, believing that we can help them that way, as if we were their elders, or parents, for instance. But this furthers exclusion (on becoming them, we continue not to see them), until someone in a later generation finally integrates the excluded, without judgement, with love: enlightened love (now we see). Thus Hellinger claims, from his experience with family constellations, that Karma can be healed, now, with love (enlightened love).
Family Constellations help us bring the excluded into our range of vision, restoring their belonging within our hearts and the system, thus bringing peace to them and us, furthering our human growth, and bringing us closer to the healthy, successful, compassionate and loving persons we are meant to be.
Those who came before (our ancestors, our parents, our older siblings, the founder of a company or organisation, employees who have been there longer…) have a priority over those who came later, when the latter give owed respect to the former, the former serve the latter.
Hellinger observes that there is another hierarchy at work, one according to function (i.e. in the couple relationship, the man, who when respected by the woman, serves her; in a hospital, administrators, then doctors, then nurses…) When both hierarchies are respected (longer membership in the system and function), the system succeeds. One other hierarchy matters here also, as noted by Brigitte Champetier, one according to training/education (in relation to the task at hand).
This priority shows spatially in constellations in such a way that older members of the system, or those who have priority in terms of function and/or level of training/education, are placed from right to left in successive descending order (placed by whom? this is the arrangement where representatives feel right, where the energy field places them). Hellinger observes that in everyday situations, from meetings to meal gatherings, when participants place themselves respecting that order, everything runs more smoothly.
The order between systems, however, is different to that between individuals in a system: the most recent system has a priority over the previous ones. This means, for instance, that as soon as a sperm fertilises an egg -as soon as a new life is created- that male and that female belong together to a new system that comes before their previous one, with all its far reaching consequences (while former individuals, like previous partners, have a precedence and are owed respect by the new ones, or a child from a previous relationship will have precedence for his natural parent over this parent’s new partner).
There is a constant need of balance, opposites need each other to move forward (through balance and reconciliation).
Balance is sought for, but not achieved, thus Life moves forward (perfect balance is still). The greatest quantum of energy that propels Life forward and us in our human growth happens when opposites fuse (i.e.: the reconciliation of victim and perpetrator; the union of man and woman).